what matters

Happily, I woke feeling pretty dang good,

and the sun was even shining!

Moved by my amazing friend, and inspiring teacher artist Donna,

I decided to create a collage today - check out her post about

Following the Moon

click on images for closer view

Part of my intent in making this collage was to find focus.

To help myself figure out where exactly I want to put my energies.

I wandered...

Obviously staying healthy and strong while undergoing chemo

is important, but I've felt an emptiness in this place of

waiting, resting, healing.

I feel unfocused...

I miss my daily practice.

I miss my ART.

While I know I can't work as intensely as I did when I began this blog,

with my daily pages, painted, drawn, collaged,

with so much detail and intensity -

I'm going to try for more frequent,

but less work intensive,

creative expressions.

This is my intent :)

more mark making

Like the rhythm of the rain

(which it's been doing a lot!)

click on images for closer view

my pen repeats patterns and rhythms,

moving lightly around the mandala,

helping me to leave behind

the noise of pain and restlessness,

and move into a space that brings me

a sense of serenity.

beauty

for

beauty's sake.

I've been have a rough few days, with high levels of pain, and quite low levels of energy, so putting my focus on creating something that is simply pleasing to my eye has been a nice diversion - especially after my last post!

One of the side effects of receiving chemo is the lowering of white blood cells. If they get too low, the patient can't receive the chemo, so to raise the white blood cell count I am given an injection of something called neupogen. This injection has a lovely side effect of something described as 'possible bone pain'. To give you an idea of what "possible bone pain' feels like to me - I describe it as a full body ice cream head ache running through out my skeletal frame, which has now lasted for two days.

Later today, after I go to sleep and wake up, I'll have my 6th round of chemo. Then I will only have two more to go!! The count down is really on :)

I'm sure many of you are feeling as I am - a combination of heart break, horror and helplessness regarding the oil spill off the gulf of Louisiana. Try as I might, images of spring time life being slicked with crude oil haunts my inner eye and fury at the thought of 'drill baby drill' mentality just about makes me want to scream. But what good would that do?

To maintain my sanity I am avoiding as much of the news about this as I can, but I went in search of ways to help. I'm not hearing about masses of volunteers flocking to New Orleans, but I am hearing about how the fishermen that are now out of work need jobs. BP is responsible for taking away the livelihood of these fishermen that their families have relied on for generations. The claim is they will be employing them and getting the clean up rolling but so far all these now grounded men are doing is waiting... I'm sure there are 'reasons' beyond my simplistic thinking, but in the mean time politics and big business seem to be over riding common sense and decency.

Anyway, in my search to did find ways to help, I came across this article from CNN which lists volunteer opportunities and organizations that are on the ground helping. All I can do is send a donation, but I doubt that will get the images out of my brain...

click on images for closer view

oh you beautiful world...

you great big beautiful world,

let me put my arms around you,

I could not survive without you!

oh, you beautiful world,

you great big beautiful world...

Mandala Journal Tutorial - finally!!

I have finally completed my tutorial for the making of my Mandala Journal. I tried to keep it to three parts, but, well... you can skip certain parts if you aren't wanting to experience things like paper maché!

I think I'll let the videos do the teaching, and wait for questions to come in - then, as they do, I will update this post and address them rather than try to guess at what I've left out - because I'm sure I've left some stuff out!!

Part I goes over applying joint compound, or wall spackle, to your book board covers.

Part II is the finishing of the spackle.

Part III is the creation of the interior board pages, which are paper maché.

Part IV, the final video is the actual binding process.

Hopefully the hand out will help with the binding details - help yourself by printing them out.

Click on image for full view and to print.

For personal use only, please.

April 19

Been feeling the weight of people's stories these days -

the many facets of sorrow.

So, I honor the sorrow in us all,

and release it to the moon...

this and that

I haven't been making art the past week, for a number of reasons, but I didn't want any more time to go by before I came by to say hi! One of the reasons for my absence is a good one - I've been spending time with my dad, who is visiting me this week.

Another project I've been focusing some energies on has more to do with research. It's a very exciting project, which will be happening while I am undergoing the next chapter of my cancer treatment. While I'm undergoing radiation we've decided it would be best for me to stay closer to the hospital, since it's a 45 minute drive each way, and I'm just not up for that much car time - not my back, not my hands, and to pay for it ends up being two thirds of the way to paying for some where to stay any way, sooooo... while I am out of the house a bit of construction will be under way!

I have been blessed with a pretty fabulous studio, but we've been wanting to finish our attic for a while, and that's what we're going to do. The third story is a good three times larger than my current space, so I will be able to really spread out, perhaps host some workshops, and finally be able to work in a larger format, which I've been wanting to do for a while. We'll also be able to have a second guest room now, making it possible to play host to friends and family much more easily!

It's very exciting, and gives me something to focus on while going through this difficult period - a reward at the end of this journey! Our goal is to make this renovation as 'green' as possible, so that's where the research has been. If any of you know of great products for wall board, flooring, insulation, etc feel free to share. We've found quite a bit, but there may be more we are unaware of, and now is the time to find out!! Also any features you artists feel are must haves in your studios, I'd love to hear.

Thanks in advance for all your help and ideas :)

the heat is on!

today we had

a taste of summer time

and this was my response...

leaving my marks

funny how what works one day...

isn't necessarily best for the next.

as you can see,

I put aside my little drawing journal,

and picked up my mandala journal.

I've had a series of really rough days.

Chemo kicks butt, or should I say guts,

but during pauses I lay in bed with my pen and mandala journal, leaving my marks,

until they all came together to form something I'm quite pleased with.

click on images for closer view

I just cannot express how blessed I feel

with having this community of support behind me,

rallying away! I feel your love, support,

and encouragement and love you all for it.

My heart spills over with gratitude.

moments

I have been unable to spend time with my art between storm consequences, out of town visitors, life demands, and round four of chemo (yeah, I've hit the half way point!!).

When I am unable to spend time with my art, I lose some of my serenity, so for a touchstone to peace I have been taking moments to draw in a little book I made a long time ago, and refound just when I needed it...

recent thoughts overwhelm, buzzing in and all around my head.

I find release in drawing.

for Renee

As many of you know, our dear friend and fellow blogger, the hilarious, courageous, wise woman Renee, shed her veil last Tuesday, March 9th. She had suffered for so long, from advanced inflammatory breast cancer, that I have felt a sense of lightness knowing that at long last her pain has ended. I have missed Renee deeply, for she was a great support in those early weeks of my own diagnosis of breast cancer, and again when I started chemo. She in her final weeks, and at her worst, taking time to share how best to take care of myself and alleviate side effects... She is still very present with me each day.

On Friday I started to work on this mandala with her in mind - beginning with the image of wings... I had sketched out the wings and began painting them, not knowing what they were to be attached to, or much more when the power outage left me in darkness, unable to finish until today (with the return of both sunshine and electricity). I'm not sure how the mandala may have evolved if there hadn't been such a disruption, shifting gears, and break in time - but isn't that just they way life goes?

It seems fitting.