October 9-10

It is now the day following the creation of the pages below, and my posting of these pages last night. What has become clear is that I will be needing to take a break from this creative process. I am carefully picking across the key board with my left hand, completely unable to move my right, which sits in my blanket covered lap wrapped in an ice pack.

The quote I share below, which inspired my desire to create and overrode my need for rest with another day of silence here, was heard in a conversation between Caroline Myss and Dr. Mona Lisa Schulz titled Where Medical Intuition Meets Mysticism.

I know I've said it before, but here I go again! Chronic pain is a very isolating experience. However, something new about it has been evolving within me. Something that knows there are periods of isolation that are more than okay, that they are what is called for. I believe I am entering into a deeper experience of that kind of time.

When there is a physical crisis, whether it happens to be due to illness, accident, trauma, or in my case all the above, the first thing we do, I did, is seek 'healing'. Look for a fix to the problem. I want to find out what is "wrong" with me, and have it taken care of. Truth be told, I've been on that treadmill off and on for over 20 years, because I've been experiencing chronic physical pain that has interfered with my day to day way of living since 1988.

Though these thoughts have been percolating within me for a while now, the conversation I listened to has clarified my thoughts, taking them further. The question being asked now is, what if all that searching outside of self is exactly the wrong thing to do? What if the process of seeking medical treatments, nutritional balance, holistic care, etc - what if all that is actually just taking me further away from the true "healing" that is needed? When you do everything right, try everything that all the experts, friends, family, and even strangers suggest, and all fail to bring relief, and even make you worse, doesn't that mean something?!

I know that all the seeking I've done, healing modalities I've worked with, inner journeying I've traveled - all the experiences that followed my searches have been necessary, and must have been done to get me where I am. However, an essential piece of the puzzle has been less attended to than the body/mind healing mantra.

There is a trilogy to healing, and I believe we are made up of equal parts, in this human form. Body, Mind, and Spirit, or Soul, or the Divine within - how ever you may address that third element. I think it often gets lumped into the attention of the Mind, but it lets us know when it is being unattended to. No amount of thinking, pondering, wondering, or even silence is enough for the healing of the soul. When dissatisfaction continues to mount, and the restlessness within churns and stirs, and the physical body sends it's own varied messages - well, I may be a slow learner, but I'm not stupid!

I've rambled on enough for now, the ice did it's trick and my hand is braced so I'm typing with two hands again. While I won't be able to create my work in they way that I have, I will have to find some way to express - it is a Soul need. How I do it will be the key.

Thank you, as always, for your care and divine support!

You're never around more light

than when in the dark night of the soul.

~ Caroline Myss

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October 3

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October 2

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September 30

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The Many Arms of Humanity

Much of the art that I end up creating is

inspired by the words that I am reading.

This image arrived immediately after reading the following paragraph:

"So what is wrong with you? Are you a freak? No. You are just human. And you suffer from the same malady that infects every human being. It is a monster inside all of us, and it has many arms: chronic tension, lack of genuine compassion for others, including the people closest to you, blocked up feelings and emotional deadness - many many arms..."

from the very first few pages of Bhante Henepola Gunaratana's book Mindfulness in Plain English, (it is now available as a free download here, if you are interested!) The first chapter is titled Meditation: Why Bother?

I don't really need any convincing,

when it comes to why I should bother -

though follow through, in a formal manner,

isn't always consistent!

It helps free me

taking me deeply within

to better know myself,

past my self;

into the world,

past the world;

into a universe

where

the arms of humanity have no hold

beyond the beyond...

The Many Arms of Humanity

12" x 10.5" / 30.5cm x 26.5cm

When you meditate, invite yourself to feel the self-esteem,

the dignity, and strong humility of the Buddha that you are.

Sogyal Rinpoche

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On a separate topic, that I'm excited about but keep forgetting to share, last week I still hadn't fully gone through my Sunday NY Times, but I had been blog catching up, and while visiting Debra Eck's blog I was alerted to The Holy Grail of the Unconscious - a feature from last Sunday's the NY Times Magazine.

It's all about Carl Jung's Red Book:

The most exciting thing to me is that the original book will be displayed October 7th -January 15th at The Rubin Musem of Art, which is always worth a trip - but for this? A special one, or maybe even more!! In the mean time, you can pre-order the reproduction of this book will be available in December - my wish list has been updated :)

Butterflies galore!

Remember my butterfly sculpture for the Butterfly Project?!

Well, the auction is nearly here, to raise money for the,
Laura Hartenbaum Breast Cancer Foundation,

through the Legacy for Hope.

They now have all the butterflies that will be auctioned off

up and on display on their website, and I am blown away!

Some of you will remember -

I was pretty skeptical about transforming this

into anything attractive!

Well, I should have had faith in my fellow artists.

The participants really did an amazing job,

creating a beautiful assortment of artistic interpretations,

using a variety of materials from decoupage to knitting,

and one completely encased in coins!

Check them all out HERE

September 22

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September 21

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September 20

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Energy Flow!

The other day when I tried to sit down to meditate my body was zinging with energy.

I have a few tricks I use to channel that energy,

including a shaking or vibrating exercise I learned years ago in yoga class.

A few minutes of that usually gets all my cells aligned

and the energy flowing in unison,

which brings this kind of imagery for me.

I thought I'd document and deconstruct the layered process

that gets me to the final product for you.

click for detail

I started with gesso, a sketch, and stitching.

Then I recoat with gesso, which I forgot to photograph!

Next came a coat of a mixture of Raw Sienna and Aurelin hue, which I painted in and rubbed out.

I followed that with Ultramarine Blue hue,

covering the stitches

and then covered that with Process Cyan.

Again, painting on and rubbing off.

Next came Cadmium Red Deep Hue,

followed by Quinacridone/Nickel Azo Gold.

To separate the inner area (around the body), from the outer (outside the stitching), I darkened the outer with Raw Umber, and then I used rubbing alcohol to remove some of the paint from the stitching.

For those that don't know, rubbing alcohol works as a solvent for acrylic paint, and removes it beautifully.

I finished up with Pthalo Turquoise, over the areas that I had rubbed out with the alcohol, and this is the final piece!

September 15

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I want to take a moment to thank my fellow blogging creatives for including me in their recent posts. In addition to the powerful piece that Jaliya wrote, I was honored by Whitney-Anne on her Whitney's Weird Stuff blog in this post about compassion, where she shares one of her beautiful digital creations.

I also forgot to share Caterina's image of thunder on her blog La Dolce Vita when she posted it!! She took on the challenge, after I had posted my depiction of it here, and asked if anyone else had ever visually created thunder - have you?!

September 13

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visible . . . invisible

According to a family story, when I was learning how to talk, one of my earliest full sentences was "No see me." I wasn't comfortable with attention being given to me - being told I was cute; that a dress I was wearing was pretty; that my shoes were nice...

Compliments were countered with, "No see me."

When my nephew visited a couple weeks ago one of the first things he said was "You look good!" It's an innocent enough comment for most, even flattering to many, but when you live with chronic pain it actually feels loaded. Inwardly there's a "yeah but..." answer unfolding. Which is what? a defense, an explanation, a justification for being up and dressed?! Does it matter that it feels like a lie when I know what I'm feeling doesn't match what is seen on the outside? That extra pain medication props me up, and days of recovery are needed after extra efforts are made? This is what occurs for many with what is termed "Invisible Chronic Illness".

A few months ago I signed up for one of Bloggers Unite's events, which brings bloggers from all over the world together to highlight and bring attention to a particular issue, all at once, on the same date. I've done several others in the past, and thought that this one would be a breeze -

*my* issue even.

There are many conditions that fall into this category - from diabetes, and arthritis, to fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue; auto immune diseases, some cancers, degenerative disc disease, obesity - the list goes on and on. Many people live with daily pain and or debilitating fatigue every day. So this is a week to bring awareness to this fact.

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But I'm a little uncomfortable with this form of visibility - is Visible Chronic Illness the label I want to wear?! Not really!

My goal is to have the illness or pain part of my life have little more weight than other areas that I tend to daily. Pretending there is no pain when there is gives it even more power over me than it deserves, while giving in to it completely will do the same. Finding the balance, by noting the level and continually adjusting my activity accordingly, as best I can, the way you would change outdoor plans in bad weather, is what I strive to do. I am beyond fortunate, and grateful, for the circumstances which allow me the freedom to listen to and tend to my needs in this way.

I hope all that makes sense! Quite honestly, this past week has been one of my worst in a pretty long time, and I am having difficulty concentrating fully while sitting and typing - forming words while the fire within burns in distraction. Before I go though, I wanted to thank Jaliya deeply for the moving post she wrote about the 47th Hexagram, in part honoring me, and sharing my images on her beautiful Quotable I Ching blog here.

And many thanks to you all - my words cannot express the depth of feeling I have for you, my visiting friends who leave me with such kind reminders that what I do matters more than I know, that all that we do creates ripples far beyond what any of us ever truly realize. Much peace and love, Karin