a celebration!

Today is a day I mark for celebration.

Tibetan prayer flags I added to a tree in our back yard
that was wounded by a large fallen oak limb

First of all, it's my birthday! 
:~)

I've been able to decorate my hotel room with birthday cards

and this very cool paisley printed prayer flag from

Jennifer - each from a hand carved stamps she's made.  Gorgeous, isn't it?!?

Secondly, this marks the official anniversary

of the launching of my blog, two years ago
and over 40,000 unique hits!! wow...

For a little look back at some of my journal artwork,
and to read about my thoughts on art journalling,
head over and visit Connie's blog over at Dirty Footprints
where you can read her interview with me
from her July series

30 JOURNALS
 30 DAYS!

Like many, I began my blog assuming I was going to have a nice place to share photos of my most recent artful activities with friends and family that don't live near by, and that would be it.  I did not having a clue I would be lead to so many special relationships and the creation of the most meaningful support system I could ask for, during a life challenge I never dreamed would happen.   

Yet here we are!

Many of you have been with me long enough to have seen me through back surgery as well as breast surgery, a cancer diagnosis, chemo and now radiation.  I'm not sure you know how much your consistent visits, good wishes, prayers and messages of love and care have meant along the way, but let me assure you - they have meant everything to me.  On those occasional days when I really felt like it is all too much, I know there were folks out there pulling for me, and my strength surges, allowing me to push forward when all I had previously wanted to do was pull the covers over my head!

I had a period like that few weeks ago, when I had blood work run and learned that my tumor markers had climbed over 10% from where they'd been prior to my starting chemo.  This was not the news I had hoped to hear, after going through eight rounds of chemo!  Happily I can now report the latest results are news to celebrate, with the markers down near the normal range, I can have my birthday and this blog anniversary be worry free!!

wooo hooo!!!
happy dance :)

Of course it hasn't all been about hardships or worries!!  You've also helped me celebrate joyfully, through allowing me to share my many artful explorations with you; you've visited my garden and the critters that live there; you've watched me create in videos and have hopefully learned from the tutorials!  There have been a few give-aways and yes, you have helped me mourn the passing of my beloved feline companion Zack - there's a whole lot we've shared!!  Lately I've had to pull back some, to reserve energy for my healing, and plan for renovating, so I haven't pulled out art supplies for a little while, but as I settle in to a rhythm with this radiation schedule and our renovation project gets underway I hope to bring color and creativity back to this space and my life.   

walking up the stairs to the attic...

Here's a little peak into the future site of my studio to be!!  Demo starts later in the week...

 

click on images for closer view! 

At the top of the stairs, turning left is this little room - it will be transformed and divided into a bathroom on the right side, and a small library/sitting area to the left.

Turning right at the top of the stairs brings you into the main area of the attic - and it's big!!  This will be opened up with a large dormer and the addition of 6 new windows!!  

And finally, at one end of the main space there will be this room.  It will be my "messy" room, where there will be a slop sink, and a door to shut in the dust from sanding, windows (there is a second one to the right of where the photos is being taken) and fans for ventilation when heating up wax or the occasional spraying.   

Pretty amazing, isn't it?!  Seeing it all laid out here has me feeling pretty excited after spending the past couple weeks bogged down in details and worries.  Most of those have been taken care of now, and it's time to hand it over to the professionals - or as our architect likes to call them all, *the whisperers* of their craft.  Gotta love that, no?

gratefully alive,

with love,

Karin 

and so it begins...

(click on image for closer view)

Day one has come and gone.

On Monday's all radiation patients meet one on one with their radiologist -

mine is on vacation, so I met with his colleague.

Not much to discuss, given this was my first day.

No need to check my skin for signs of burning,

no questions I could think of.

He was nice and had a few suggestions to help

keep my inflammation levels down.

I felt very tired as I waited for him, reading,

and I imagined a sensation of burning all along my rib cage.

It felt like I'd been burned,

but I knew it was my mind creating the sensation.

I stopped at a grocery store on the way back to my hotel room,

and picked up a few things to make salad in my room.

I've got a small frig and microwave.

I brought a toaster oven and my own coffee maker :)

a few comforts from home.

Everyone here is very friendly

and caring - and my room is quite comfy.  

I am very fortunate to be able to stay here,

close to the hospital during treatment,

while my amazing husband takes care of our home,

pets and over sees the attic renovation.

I'll join him at home on weekends,

unless the renovation scene becomes too much!!

Then he can come for a swim here!

oh so gratefully yours,

karin

dragonfly rescue...

mandala journal
ⓒ2010

The other day I took my dog out into the back yard and was startled by a loud rattling fluttering sound - the sound of struggle.  I looked around and near my feet was the most gorgeous, huge, blue and black dragonfly - with a wasp on it's back.  I know I shouldn't have interfered, but the sound was too much to bear, so I bent down and flicked the wasp with my finger.  It took off and left the injured dragonfly behind.  I picked it up, still alive, but saw that it had a hole in it's back where the wasp had begun to feed.  I could see the dragonfly breathing, the movement within it's body.  I took it and left it under my bed of basil, where it remained, and slowly faded.  With it's life, went it's color.

Why couldn't I just let nature take it's course?  The sound of that struggle for life rang through me, and I could not keep myself from intervening, though all I did was prolong the suffering of the dragonfly...

This past week has been a long and challenging one, preparing for the beginning of my radiation treatment.  On Monday I went in for the 'simulation' process, where the mapping of my body and aligning the course of radiation occurs.  It took a few hours of pushing, stretching, strapping and molding my body on a rock hard table in an ice box of a room, stripped to the waist with beams of light being shot across me, velcro straps squeezing me and cat scans zapping me, while I was told to keep still.  The final step were 7 tiny tattoo dots for quick lining up for the radiation treatment.  They look a lot like black heads - lovely!  Friday I returned for a 'dry run' and I got to experience what the process will be like, though only x-rays were taken, no radiation given.  None of this was a bit of fun.  It is in these types of situations that dissociative skills come in handy!  Separating mind and body is sometimes the only way to get through painful and unpleasant experiences, in my opinion.   

Thankfully, the long drawn out stuff is over with.  Monday I begin the daily sessions, for the next 6½ weeks.  For some reason I'm feeling less prepared for this leg of the journey than I was for the chemo.  Probably because I'm at an 'enough is enough' place and just want to be done with it all.  I'm really tired.  

 So for now I will say good night, and thank you all for your supportive, caring messages and continued visits during my intermittent presence.  Much love, Karin

catching up

Since starting this blog,
I don't think I've ever let a period as long as two weeks go by without posting,

and I can't believe that much time has past, but here we are.

(red tailed hawk pair were circling me over head today,

calling their haunting cry as I gathered flowers from the garden)

I've been trying to imagine how I will proceed here, as it is apparent that creating art on a regular basis has become too difficult to do, without painful consequences.  

The Target series took a lot out of me, so I backed off, and gave my hands and body a break.

During my time away, I've been reading for pleasure, and tending to the garden.

We've been in quite a heat wave, 

so to fully enjoy the abundance I've 

been harvesting and bringing flowers 

inside.  I wish you could smell these 

lilies - the house is filled with their 

sweetness!

I love taking in all the colors

and visiting with the many pollinators...

                                                                                 

Back inside...

I did decide to order the 100 targets,

and they arrived a couple days ago - 

looking absolutely nothing like they were pictured!

It's more like a cartoon medical chart!

I'm going to have to rethink this...

Yesterday I collaged these images into my collage journal,

painted a little, after a visit to the garden,

and then began to draw...

faces emerge

and eyes peer out from every joint...

I'm still not sure where next I'll be led, 
      but know that my thoughts return here again and again, 
      even when my the rest of me is still and silent.

journal pages
ⓒ2010

I leave you with a little journey to take.


Through out the month of July, Connie,
over at the Dirty Footprints Studio,
is sharing 30 artist who are regular art journal keepers.


I'll be among the gathering later this month,
but I wanted to guide you there sooner,
so you can take in all the inspiring folks she's introducing her readers to.
It's a diverse and fun group, so wander over and enjoy!