Another dream has followed me, replaying a scene through my day.
You may, or may not, have noticed that my people have no hair.
That isn't because I don't like to draw or paint hair; it isn't because I can't draw or paint hair...
The details of my dream are sketchy, of who and where, but I think I'm with my husband and another couple, and we are at a fairly empty gallery, standing and talking, when my husband reaches over and pulls off my hat, leaving me standing there bald. I turn to him, and he gives it back, and I put it on again, and we continue on. This interaction replays itself until the male in the couple talking to us says something like "enough already - leave her alone - cut it out!" The odd thing was, I wasn't upset, though I was a bit surprised the first time he did it, and had a flash of embarrassment, but afterwards getting my hat back was like scratching an itch - I simply did it, and my husband didn't resist the retrieval, he just handed it to me! (This whole thing would be totally uncharacteristic of my husband to do, so that may be why the images are fuzzy - it's hard for me to imagine him acting that way!) Anyway, it's obviously at least partly about being exposed, unveiled, revealed, and finding the different levels of comfort and acceptance in that.
Twenty years ago, when I first started having odd joint pain that interfered enough to start seeking medical help, I also discovered patches of hair loss. These are common symptoms of lupus, yet it took another ten years before I actually got the lupus diagnosis, and at that point I looked so much like Beetlejuice I decided to shave my head. That's no longer necessary, as I have what's known as alopecia universalis. I usually wear scarves, hats, and wigs, but what I really want to do is design my own tattoo and cover my head with it. My husband is opposed - afraid it might hurt me too much, or knowing my body and it's history (remember, I rejected hypoallergenic titanium, bringing on my last back surgery) I'd be allergic to the inks!
Still, a girl can dream...
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Oh wow, I really love your art. I love your color palette.
ReplyDeleteOh Karin. It's teerible the years of misdiagnosis, false diagnosis and other obstacles that patients with lupus face. I worked with a fellow nurse, sharp and very intelligent. One day after work, she went to the garage and for the life of her, could not remeber where she parked her car, nor what kind of car she had. It took about a year for her to get diagnosed but it was agonizing. Sometimes she went home with so many items sho bought and could not remeber why she bought them. She is okay now but lives with the disease. Your dreams seem like e feeling of vulnerability but it is as if you have conquered it because you are not bothered by it. Of course I am not dream interpreter, I am just an optimist.
P.S. I snuck out of the island just to visit you!
My neighbor has the same thing and wears beautiful scarves usually but in the summer just her head, especially because the sun never shines up here-
ReplyDeleteYour art just knocks me out! Prolific and amazing. LOVE it every single time!I think a tatoo would be very beautiful IF you could stand the discomfory of getting it...
Again- LOVE your art!
How interesting that you dreamed that your husband un-covered your head so many times, and today you reveal your alopecia condition yourself on your blog. My mom/guru read somewhere that all of the people in your dreams are just pieces of yourself, sending messages to the home ship if you like. Kind of makes sense here ?
ReplyDeleteI think a tattoo would be beautiful especially one you would design for yourself. I wonder if you could do a mini one as a test run to see if you tolerate the ink well?
You are a truly beautiful woman, artist, being, Miss Karin.
Sending lots of love !
Kim
thank you Ces, yeah these auto immune diseases are a bitch when it comes to diagnosis. Then once it comes I'm not so sure how much good it does anyway!
ReplyDeleteHi Linda Sue, well good for her! Whether or not to cover up is sometimes hard - one, in summers I have to avoid the sun because it triggers lupus flares, so covering up is necessary, but miserable in the heat, and two - not covering up has attracted slews of strangers to me, again and again, that assume I am undergoing chemo. Having to explain and reflect that energy became really draining - especially as people came on stronger and became more intrusive (I have stories). Wigs were/are easier for me in that way, but at home and around the neighborhood? rarely!
HI Kim, I definitely believe that all parts of a dream are parts of me! In this case I let the dream guide my actions, which is why I shared the story here at this time. I was in just my scarf in my video, which to me seemed pretty obvious, but I was wrong! Yes, a tattoo test drive would be the way to go :) I think my husband is slowly warming to the idea - or at least accepting it! ❤ Karin
LOVE the idea of you designing your own tattoo. It reminded me of these women, and their beautiful post-mastectomy tattoos.
ReplyDeletenice. i like it.
ReplyDeleteI love the idea of a tattoo like the one in your painting...but I must say my tummy did a flip-flop at the thought of you reacting to the inks.
ReplyDeleteKarin I can't remember you telling me that they misdiagnosed you for 10 years, that is criminal.
ReplyDeleteThe pain you must have gone through and not knowing why.
This is a very brave post and maybe your dream had to do more with exposing that part of your truth to the universe. It is out there and now we all know. Funny thing it changed nothing about our love for you.
So you can take the hat or scarf off whenever you feel like it and put it right back on when you feel like that too.
You always amaze me. Each and every day.
I love the idea of the tattoo and maybe you should just stick to drawing it on your lady.
You do not want any kind of infections.
p.s. A big part of the dream with your husband taking off the hat and giving it back is his encouragement and love for you to be true to yourself. And no matter what, you will be supported by him.
Love Renee xoxoxo
p.p.s. Amateur dream interpreter and lover of Karin.
Hi EM, yes, I've seen that book - the photos are amazing, raw and powerful!
ReplyDeleteThanks Eli :)
I know, me too RObyn - but the idea of testing is a good one. I've already done some research as to the who's I'd be interested in doing it! There are some amazing artists in NYC!! Maybe in time for my 50th b-day - how's that for acting out a midlife crisis?!
Amateur nothin'! Hi premier dream interpreter Renee :) Well, I sure learned a lot about what it wasn't! The very first doc I saw said it might be early signs of lupus, but quickly stamped fibromyalgia on me instead, even though I had no trigger points, was losing hair and had an elevated ANA - go figure... I'm sure if my kidneys had early involvement, they'd have been all over me, but I was fortunate. Anyway, going bald gets attention, even from docs! I wish I could draw on my own head - permanent marker or henna myself :)
with mutual awe~dom and love, Karin
I love your style on this one it looks like etching and stained glass, it conveys a real sense of dream time to me, awesome.
ReplyDeleteOoooo henna designs on your head would be so cool!
ReplyDeleteJust happened across your blog, and WOW - you are quite inspiring!! Can't imagine living life for so many years mis- or un-diagnosed!
ReplyDeleteKeep looking up, because that's where it all is... :)
Mel