thoughts on purpose, signs of spring

     You may have noticed, I haven't been as attentive to my daily posting as I usually am.  I hit a wall and had to give in to riding the waves that sometime take over this body of mine.  When a flare hits, it tends to strike points of vulnerability first, which are places I've had injuries and surgeries in the past - primarily my back and hands.  Those are where it lingers longest as well.  The most difficult to deal with (emotionally) are my hands, of course.  As an artist, one who creates, being *cut off* from her hands often feels akin to being cut off from my purpose.  While I know I am not defined by what I do, and my true purpose isn't simply to create art, it is amazing to me how empty I feel, and lost I am, when this ability is withheld.  {held within}

  
     I dare say there isn't a person out there that hasn't struggled at some point in their life, or won't at some point, with their own sense of purpose or a desire to find a path for their life that gives them a satisfying sense of purpose.  Isn't this a universal human need? 
pur•pose |ˈpərpəs|

noun
     the reason for which something is done or created or for which 

     something exists : the purpose of the meeting is to appoint a trustee | the 

     building is no longer needed for its original purpose.

     • a person's sense of resolve or determination : there was a new sense of 

     purpose in her step as she set off.
     • (usu. purposes) a particular requirement or consideration, 

     typically one that is temporary or restricted in scope or extent : 

     pensions are considered as earned income for tax purposes.

verb [ trans. ] formal
have as one's intention or objective : God has allowed suffering, even purposed 

     it. See note at INTEND .

PHRASES
on purpose intentionally.
to no purpose with no result or effect; pointlessly.
to the purpose relevant or useful : you may have heard something from 

them that is to the purpose.

ORIGIN Middle English : from Old French porpos, from the verb 

porposer, variant of proposer (see PROPOSE ).

     While attempting to seek peace in this pause, the season is changing around me.  The bird activity is wonderful, while the chipmunks have reappeared and are dancing about below our feeders.  On the flip side, spring "clean up" has begun, and leaf blowers roar throughout the neighborhood... Blessings mix, always!  I wish each neighborhood could be assigned one day of the week for this seemingly endless battle against nature.  Rally for rakes!!  I admit guilt though, we tried to keep up on our own, and had to hire help - and can't find help that will use electric blowers, or rakes.

     Spring is often thought of as a time of hope and renewal, but the past couple of years I find dread is a part of the experience that creeps into my being.  It is a time that reminds me of what I can't do anymore. As the garden begins to sprout and my desire to plant and dig, trim and weed builds, I simply can't.  To bend, squat, to clip with even the sharpest and well fitted hand tools means days of recovery that feel like a punishment for pleasure than pleasure alone. I am such a "hands on" kind of person, to stand back and 'hand over' the garden to another is really hard.  I get much more pleasure from experiencing gardening, than from the garden itself.  Process not product.  The pictures scattered through this post are from my attempt to get into appreciation mode.  I wandered the yard today, with my camera and macro lens attached, seeking the tiniest signs of spring and new growth - as well as this indoor product:

     It's pepper picking time, and another round of potential peppers is preparing for production! (say that five times fast!) 

          

     For those of you newer to my blog, I introduced my pepper plant a while back, and you can see it's humble beginnings here and part two here.  This plant volunteered itself into my life after I ate a salad next to a cactus and must have flung a seed into the pot, where it took root about a year and a half ago now.  It has seen me through two back surgeries and this is the second pepper that has fully grown!  Yum yum, and thank you pepper plant :)