pine cone flower from Donna!It's been raining steadily all day here today, hard and heavy. The forceful winds cause the raindrops to batter our windows from every direction. I am grateful to be warm and dry; glad there for no reason to venture out!
bits of comfort,
to engage my senses
wood, sanded, 
polished and oiled by a friend,
from a bonsai tree that died
I have been contemplating how I will proceed here, on my blog, as I encounter new and unexpected challenges in my latest life adventure with this thing called breast cancer. What had seemed straight forward and relatively simple on the surface, has become more complicated and difficult. I still have unanswered questions and more testing to go through before I know the full extent of what may be necessary, but on that list of possibilities are bone scans and a mastectomy. Quite frankly, another surgery feels beyond my limits of doable, yet having now been through seven, in as many years, I know I am able to endure far more of this sort of thing than I ever thought possible. I've come to realize, we all are.
However, I am no longer energized by anger (as I wrote about in an earlier post). I'm feeling worn down and tired. I have ideas and images I create in my mind, because my body is hurting too much to actually follow through. I am close to completing my journal, but a few pages remain, so I've been wondering - what next?
I was sifting through my studio a little today, and paging through a sketch book I made, and came to this quote I'd written down, but sadly had not given credit to the words there.
"... Once the visionary eye is open,
the Revelation of Truth becomes possible.
Such a revelation is sudden, involuntary,
shattering, and transforming.
The fortress of the individual self is destroyed
and a new being with new understanding is born."
Somehow it feels relevant,
and brought me back to feeling a place of strength within.
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so much wood and brown , very warm post
ReplyDeleteare those great buddha hands holding the glass ganesh from india? ahhh... we have rain here too and are finally home to enjoy it pattering on the roof. i am about to go to bed and listen to it as i drink my tea and watch a video:) peace to you and john, j
ReplyDeleteOne day at a time, Karin. All the best to you...
ReplyDeleteYou are a strong woman Karin. I'm praying for you and sending you healing vibes.
ReplyDeletemanon
xo
I have adopted your mantra and say it for both of us.. all is well always, it gives me peace and security and I send it to you as I feel it inside me. rest and dream dear one. xoxoxo
ReplyDeleteI love your altar. Good Medicine.
ReplyDeleteContinuing to shower you with healing light.
mmmmmm... love, love to you my friend...
ReplyDeleteA very earthy feel to your photos today..... and they are lovely to look at. Glad you found the quote when you needed it. It often happens doesn't it.....the right words at the right time.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your warmth here. The story is one of transformation, from the bonsai to the quote to youself, touching and full of life. All the best to you.
ReplyDeleteMmmm ... good medicine here. Loving you and sending a soft blankie of peace :-)
ReplyDeleteYes lilasvb, that's what I was feeling the need for and drawn to on that wet and chilly day!
ReplyDeletehope you had a relaxed and cozy evening jennifer :) see you tomorrow!! xxoo
amen to that Delphyne - thanks for the reminder :)
thank you Manon xox
it's so true Cat, and I do believe that all is well, always. now i'm seeking out the ways i can most feel that wellness in and through out each day... ahhh to dream :) xoxox
many thanks EM
thank you lynne... feeling and returning the love xo
Yes, those gifts are always there for us when we step out of ours own way, aren't they?! what we need most appears when we most need it...
Hi Echo, thank you for pointing out the transformative nature in both the quote and the bonsai wood. I had felt disjointed as I wrote the post, but I see now I was more connected than I thought :) I appreciate your words and thoughts.
Hey Jaliya, snuggling in deeply here! xxoo
Brokenness is not a place we want to travel to or dwell in, yet, it's the place where we drop our heads, like sunflowers, and seed again to rise with new thought and new life. i know you can do this. if not for yourself, for the universe... we need to know you can.
ReplyDeleteKarin, you may feel word down and tired, but you have shown that you are a fighter, and that you are a very strong person, capable of anything. I know you will get through this because fighters keep going and don't give in. I truly believe this of you. Seven surgeries in seven years would best most of us, but you have gotten this far and more, and I suspect you're not about to yield just yet. You are in my thoughts and I can only hope that you will get over this quickly. Much love. Heather xxx
ReplyDeleteI really don't know how you cope- I whine and am a sissy pants about the slightest discomfort and most likely would have cashed my chips in long ago- You amaze me so much on so many levels- your art which wows me into a coma, your character, your honesty and your heart. Just amazing you are!
ReplyDeleteSending vibey vibes your way, dear Karin- LOVE
Given what you are dealing with, I can understand the question of "what next?" Wish you much health in the next year and the vision to be able to answer that question.
ReplyDeleteThe quote is very relevant dear heart.
ReplyDeleteI am going for a bone scan tomorrow.
You need your bone scan Karin before they even consider a masectomy.
Please have that first and then see, I think radiation may be more possible around your scar site then a masectomy too. Unless of course you have too.
Karin you know that you live in my heart so you are never out of it. Never.
I love you and you can do this.
Like all illness and you have had much it beats you down. It is hard, but you are strong.
I love you.
Renee xoxo
Karin I don't really know what to say. Sending you lots of love and am working on a little piece of comfort to send your way. Stay strong beautiful lady xx
ReplyDeletemmmm, that's an image Peggy, mixed beauty with the dropped head of mourning, dropping seeds/tears of new life... thank you for the faith, and I take a deep breath with your closing words, feeling a sense of responsibility I know we all share. xo
ReplyDeleteThank you Heather, that is how I will look at it - as a sign of my strength, rather than as a list I can't add to! love to you.
Your great humor are such medicine to me Linda Sue!! The way you share here always brings a smile and a giggle out of me - thank you for both that, and the encouraging boost, and of course the vibes :)
Thank you Seth. yes, I think finding the best "what next" path to walk is what I find myself seeking - or even understanding what that means!
Oh Renee, I so hope your bone scan has good news in store for you. For me, the bone scan and mastectomy are kind of unrelated - the mastectomy will come if my skin can't tolerate the radiation (due to lupus); the bone scans will happen if blood work still comes back with some numbers elevated that show something it isn't supposed to... It will be a couple weeks before all testing and consults are complete, and info is in.
We do what we must, and more than we think we're capable of when seeing it another, or listing what lies ahead. Then stuff happens, and we deal, don't we? You and your sister have been through SO much - to my mind unfathomable, and yet here you are, taking time o encourage me on. I love you Renee.
Oh, thank you so much Jasmine! Just feeling you thinking about me is warming comfort - but I also can't wait to see your creation!! thank you dear friend xox
Lots of love and warm wishes to you for the coming new year! Keep inspirations coming!
ReplyDeleteI love you darling.
ReplyDeletexoxox
I love that painting of all the eyes, your colours, they are always the best.
ReplyDeleteLove Renee xoxoxo
I like the symbolism in your drawing- the deep blue sky with snowflakes (or stars?) speaks of an underlying sense of peace beyond those sharp thorns...
ReplyDeleteMy daughter once told me, a long time ago, "without the darkness, we couldn't see the stars." Sending much love to you, my friend. xox
The natural knots in the wood remind people tension arises where we give it life. This powerful energy can also be rechannelled for the purpose of deeper healing. Art is a creative outlet. Being a co-creator, you know that you are designing the next stages of your life with every thought and feeling. We exist to love & support you, come what may, regardless of the nature of your chosen path. We appreciate your authentic soul.
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