Friday, November 6

...November 5-6

It's been an especially long week,
and I've really been missing my journal, creating, and interacting with all of you,
but I've had to listen to my body and it's been loud and clear.

I don't feel able to visually depict the layers
of what I'm experiencing quite the way I want to,
but what I have done starts with the obvious,
words describing the glaring, the blaring;

moving on to color, movement, image;
then to where I used dimension but simplicity,
focus and direction.

That's what I was going for anyway,
but I'm not able to do it quite in the way I would,

if I could,

so this is what I ended up with earlier today.

One of the things I've been asking myself to think about,
through some of the reading I've been doing,
is what kinds of mixed messages do I give myself.

In general I am a pretty positive person, and I can always find a way to turn things around and find that 'silver lining'. On the other hand, I am guilty of delivering harsh blows to myself, with my own thoughts, especially when I get feeling overwhelmed, hurt, or tired. So I'm trying to be aware of when those thoughts happen, what triggers them, and how I can turn them around - because if my body is to heal, it needs full throttle self love, which I've discovered is the hardest thing I will probably ever learn to do.
Give my own self, unconditional love.
I know most of the reasons, and perhaps I'll share some of those some day, but dang if that isn't the most ridiculous thing that we humans struggle with - we can adore our children, our friends, our pets - heck, I do a better job loving a pepper plant some days!

I've never been all that comfortable with prayer, in any formal sense of the word. I am also working on that - finding a few words that I can hold close, repeat and truly believe the message of, that I can offer up. I believe that prayers, offerings, words of deliverance can heal, but not if they are scattered in with mixed messages that cause self sabotage, so here's to clear thoughts, and "seeking grace". If you have a special prayer, mantra, or healing poem that you say to yourself, and are willing to share it, I'd love for you to leave it for us all to read.

I wasn't planning on sharing this yet, but if I'm going to put full faith in the power of thought and prayer, I'm going to leave you by asking for your prayers. Not coincidently, it seems (considering all I've been thinking about of late, and how I put myself to the test through my body when I take on new challenges) after I finished these pages earlier today, I had to go for my annual breast exam. The mammogram came back looking good, but because of my history, I also had an ultrasound, which found a well defined lump. I'm thinking whew - what if I never had a lump before, I'd have gone merrily on my way, with a clean bill via the mammo, which it still may be, but I feel lucky I had the ultrasound... I will have a needle biopsy done next Thursday, and should have the results by a week from today. In the mean time I'm not worrying, because that's just not what I do. It seems like such a waste, since there's nothing I can do between now and when I get more information. Gathering up good energy I can do, so I'm ready to harvest :)
I will keep you posted, and thank you in advance for all I know you will send my way. Love, Karin


  1. Karin, dear one, I'm sending you radiant healing thoughts, love, and joy through the ether so do take a moment to bathe in the glow that reaches you. Your latest work says so much. I hope that all goes well with the needle biopsy and I'll be thinking of you. Keep the light shining brightly!xx

  2. Oh karin, first I was going to say that I love your art, maye more for its honesty. The eyes tell what the body and face try to hide so i thought it was poignant as well as beautiful.

    The I read about the lump. I don't know what this meas for you? Is it malignant or benign? i hope that its ot harmful.

    Prayer? My spirituality is nature based and not of the organised religions. I don't know of physical pain, i've een lucky enough not to experience it on any scale. Emotional pain, I've had a lifetimes supply crammed into the last the few moths. the things that got me through it or are getting me through it have een ature, walks in the countryside or on the beach, sitting in the park. But the weather is not so good now? Music is a big healer and art...

    I see you working with silk or marbling. Bright vivid colours that charge the soul. Maybe they would e less demanding of your wrists?

    Wishing you peace xx

  3. prayers, for sure and i'm glad you can still express yourself with art

  4. Karin you are in my prayers.

    Thank you for writing this to tell us what is going on and by putting yourself totally out here, I know exactly what I am praying for. I am praying that your pain goes down, I am praying for lupus to go in remission. And right now I am mostly praying that the lump is fatty tissue and there is nothing wrong.

    Karin I love you. You are worth loving unconditionally no matter what has befallen you. Right now and always you are worth it and always have been.

    Love Renee xoxo

  5. oh my amico italiano! I am sending LOVE, LOVE LOVE TO YOU! self love is the work we are all cutting our teeth on. I notice that when I practice self forgiveness, self love and happinessfornoreason I am way healthier.
    self love is def not an italian thought pattern! we love and appreciate so much...why not us? ciao bella!

  6. oh how i wish you lived next door... i will pray for you... because i have started to explore that for myself as well - i love how your mind and my mind are secretly linked and that we share so many of our thoughts without even talking to each other (which, btw i was going to call you later today...) i'm also in the same position with breasts/mamograms/sonograms and a lump! i'm not worrying either, went through all of this two years ago and it was nothing... inherited some mighty fibrous boobs from the gene pool... i love you my friend,
    ps. LOVE the floating layers of words in your posted pages...

  7. Surrounding you with light and sending prayers, Karin.
    The fact that we all love you dearly is one very good reason for you to love yourself.....but I do takes a lot to convince ourselves that we are worthy.

  8. Dear Karin, I'm wishing for good health and recovery for you and that the lump is a nothing sort of lump.

    As for my own prayers, I pray a lot -- but, not in the way you see or read about. It's mostly as I'm walking along, or sitting, or just being. I usually say thank you -- even when what I see causes tears. I ask for help for those that need it (sometimes I fall into that prayer, too) and I ask that my heart is always open and sensitive to it all. I often express my love for Him (I'm a non-denomination Christian) and all that He has made -- life is an amazing and wonderful gift and all the things in this Universe create awe in me. In addition, I ask for guidance and wisdom and a hand to pull me along and keep me on the path; following, following, following. That is my purpose in the end.

    I'm not sure how that sounds. It is my truth, though, and I hope it helps.

    HUGS and blessing, my friend!

  9. Karin, Thank you for sharing your pain as well as your beauty. Sharing of yourself is a brave thing to do. I have had health problems, and art helps me through the bad days as well as the good. I don't know you personally, but I feel that through your art I come close to knowing your heart. Believe me, you bring a lot of light to the world through your art.

    Here is a mantra I say: "Strength Courage Wisdom". With negative thoughts, I pretend to turn them off with an imaginary switch, like a light switch. Sometimes I visualize that the bad thought is an annoying fly buzzing around me. Then I shoo it out the imaginary window and shut it!

    You will be in my prayers, and I am wishing you the best.

  10. My thoughts are with you, Karin, I wish you all the best.

  11. Karin, I love you xoxoxoxoxox

  12. Karin,

    I'm sending you my best prayers and positive vibes. Lately, I've been praying to my spirit guides to help guide me in my life......I find that this helps me.


  13. Hi Carol Anne, thank you - I am bathing in your words and the energy that they carry!! xox

    Hi Jasmine, I don't know what it all means yet either - time and tests will tell. Interesting you see silk - my training began in fiber arts :) I am with you, I am not connected to organized religion either, and it's been through art and meditation (nature in the past more than now, because it's hard for me to get out) that I've connected most deeply with my 'source', but what I'm seeking now is more directed, with specific intent - something I can take with me into meditation. Not that that's new for me either, but I guess I'm going at it with a different focus... one that's not so easy for me to put into words!

    thanks Paige - yes, my art is my blessing.

    My Renee, thank you - on every front, thank you. You know what you mean to me. much love, Karin

    HA!! so it's an italian thing?! Too funny Cat. thanks for all the LOVE!!!! xox

    Hey Jennifer, ah, I remember your last scare - glad we are sharing the worry free approach :) Because my last lump was pre-cancerous, they are taking a thorough approach, and that's all I can ask. Talk soon, love to you, K

    I know intellectually it's crazy Robyn, but yeah, there's still a little piece needing to fully 'step into the love'! thanks for the light, prayers, and reminder :)

    Hi Liz, thank you, your prayers of gratitude and having an open heart are good reminders for me. I love everything you wrote - it 'sounds' perfect to me! thank you so much for sharing yourself and prayer process, for which I am grateful.

    You're welcome Rosa, yes, art has been where I have found so much of my inner strength as well. Thank you so much for your sharing - I smiled as I pictured that annoying fly!! that is such a great way of minimizing and getting rid of what should be shooed away! The light switch is a good mind trick, too - for visual people like us those are strong images I can picture using! wishing you wellness, strength, courage, and wisdom.

    Hey Gypsy, thank you - i'll be holding them closely.

    Back at you Jaliya :) xoxoxoxox

    Hi Manon, thank you - yes, asking for guidance is something I practice as well - turning myself over, trusting, following... thank you xoxox

    I appreciate everyone's help, support, and positive messages.

  14. My dear wonderful,beautiful, artful,soul friend. Prayer is all we have sometimes,but it is the faith that we have to put with the words. Faith, that is what will heal our minds and our bodies.
    My prayers are with you.
    Take care,

  15. Hi Karin

    I just found your blog when I was searching for mixed media artists, and my first impressions were that you have such beautiful artwork here that I want to see more. However, I just read this post and feel compelled to send you my best wishes. I know I do not know you, but I pray that you come out at the other end of this healthy and stronger. One meditation practice I use is to focus on affected areas of my body, see it in front of you initially as a dark light, then see it transforming into golden light that radiates outwards. I smile as I do so and I find my spirits much calmer as result. Love and prayers to you.

  16. a book for you - Desert Wisdom by Neil Douglas Klotz - has 'body prayers', breath and words, an ancient and holistic approach. Prayers and mantras are the ritual pathways to God/ the One Life Force; repetition is the key. Keep praying the same words with or without faith and eventually you will fall into the path of their meaning. Alow yourself to be carried by the words.
    Not a very good explanation but sufficient I hope. Love, love and more love.

  17. karin, i think this is my favorite painting of all the many favorites i've had of yours... it feels so *deep*. so real. a just-there-ness...

    today i will draw on a stick for you and put it in a tree... yes, that is what i'll do...

    i love you,


  18. Dear heart are you okay?

    Love Renee xoxo

  19. Energy, positivity, thought, prayers, spirituality, and old fashioned good vibes are all on their way to you now!

  20. It's crazy weird how I feel like I know you, like I've known you always... so I feel a little distressed about your news but I won't worry but everytime you come to mind, I'll pray for you and the Big Lover and Creator will guide your mind to peaceful, healing places. take care

  21. Prayers, prayers, prayers,...
    As you know, I have suffered with anxiety and FEAR a lot in my life. The words that have been so helpful to me recently are simple but they have become my mantra, my "go-to" words when I feel fear or worry or even pain well up in me. I of course take a few deep breaths and repeat as many times as needed "In this moment, it is all okay...". I don't know if they would help you in your moments of intense pain and distress but but maybe in some of them before things get too bad...
    So many sweet loving prayers coming to you, lovely Karin.
    Much Love !

  22. Sweet Katelen, thank you so much. Yes, faith is key, isn't it? That's one of the elements that sometimes escapes me when I try to pray in any formal sense, because it's so foreign to me! That's why I am really enjoying reading how others approach it.
    Faith in "all is well" is my prayer today - because I know it to be true - it can be no other way. xox

    Hi Heather, welcome - and thank you for taking time to write and send me your kind thoughts and prayers. I love your visualization and adapt it into my meditation. blessings and gratitude.

    Hi Whitney - thank you so much for the book recommendation. Everything you've said makes perfect sense and resonates deeply to me!!! Will be checking out Desert Wisdom now! xox K

    oh thank you Lynne. I love you, too, my friend.

    Am real good Renee, thank you xox

    Thanks so much Seth - I'm soaking it up :)

    Hi Peggy - that is such a wonderful thing to know! Thank you for both not worrying, and for taking your thoughts to prayers for me. Yes, I am being guided, and you are helping to point me in the best direction. love to you, K

    Yes Kim!! I keep coming back to "All is well" - it's been a constant in my mind today, which is exactly the same thing you are saying. Big hugs and love, k

  23. And I am so thankful for you.

    Good men are born in November.



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