One of the hardest, but most fulfilling aspect of this... I'm not even sure what to call it... simply 'this time in my life', is the time spent in the waiting room. It's usually a reasonably short wait, but a lot is felt, heard, and shared during that time.
There is often a great weight within the wait. Fear is palpable from some.
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| journal pages ⓒ2010 the waiting room 8-4-10 |
I feel my heart open and ache for the little boy within the 70+ year old man, who has never been sick before, now suddenly has tumors living in his body - 30% smaller than they were before treatment, but still there, inoperably there.
Today, a fellow breast cancer patient, who I see nearly every day, was sitting alone, looking shaken. Her daughter is usually with her, her driver each day. On their way today a young deer jumped, in a flash, in front of their car. Thankfully neither she nor her daughter were hurt, but the deer was killed, the car badly damaged, this woman visibly depleted. As she finished her story, I was called into the back for my turn on the table, so I had to leave her there, alone, as her daughter had returned to the deer and called 911.
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| journal pages ⓒ2010 the remedy 8-5-10 |
When I came out, I looked for her, but she was gone, so I sat down on a bench to wait and see if she'd come out and want company until her daughter returned. As I sat (playing on my new b-day present, an iPad, and yes, I love it!) I was approached by a new face, open, friendly and smiling, enquiring about the head coverings I wear. (They are "buffs", from Planet Buff - I wear 2, layered, mix and match - a great solution for chemo or alopecia patients!). We chatted for a while, sharing a bit of our stories and discovered we both are living in New Rochelle (well, she's in the process of moving there from a neighboring town) and we plan to start walking together. The buddy system of motivation!
I never did see the other woman come out - I missed her some how, but I am glad that I followed the urge to sit and wait.
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| journal page-detail ⓒ2010 click on images for closer look |
A very fine day.
I felt clarity through my fatigue.
Connected awareness to others, to my intuition, to the day itself.
For this I am oh so grateful.
How was your day?
❤
This sounded positive. I am glad.
ReplyDeleteI think that was one of the most unexpected "gifts" whilst experiencing the cancer route with my daughter and husband. The connections we made in waiting rooms and in hospital wards. At times it was the one thing that could raise our spirits immediately. Chance meetings .... words of encouragement .... sharing, comparing .... and laughter.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful pages, Karin. I love the glorious page with the hand and lotus.
Tes propos m'ont fait monter les larmes tellement ils sont proches pour moi.Merci pour le partage.
ReplyDeleteso glad you had a"Fine Day" and were feeling well enough to share it with us! that makes it a fine day for me too! please have more of those days.
ReplyDeleteThose connections are so very important - the knowledge that this is our own life to live but that we are really at the same time all one just sits right in the soul, doesn't it, Beautiful Karin ?
ReplyDeleteSo glad that you have found loving connections close by to help you through and to make you continue your own wonderful purpose here. Much love !
Karin, I think I know what you mean, how indescribable this feeling is of waiting with others...the weight of the wait. Also the feeling of connection...I believe it is similar for me when I receive my monthly infusions...I look around at the familiar faces (the regulars), the nurses, then the new faces, frightened, tired or just as often relaxed...which might surprise those who don't frequent infusion centers. Some folks are open and friendly and invite conversation with their body language and smiles, others seem to need their privacy in the open room with the beeping of iv's. What a blessing for the people you connected with on the day you describe so well above...blessings flow in all directions, clearly you were receiving a dose of heart healing from talking with them and observing too. Your drawings are wonderful as always, I love the one with the single finger reaching out...sending/receiving lovingkindness. I believe that is the main task of being human.
ReplyDeletegentle steps
hi karin, looked like we both had similar days of connection - i was outside working on my felting and my neighbor (of 3 years) drove by and i waved, not knowing if it was her husband or her... i haven't seen her since my show at silvermine - they came to the opening and that was the only time i ever saw either of them. two seconds later, she showed up in my yard and we had a wonderful conversation. i invited her and her two little sons over to make art sometime next week. sometimes, all it takes is a little wave or smile... sending much love, waves and smiles your way! i love your hands and swirls piece and the images of the other people... and the lotus of course:) i got your email - will respond soon. cool - you got an ipad! nice.... does it have a camera? when it does, i may just have to get one.
ReplyDeletelove,
j
Dear Karin,
ReplyDeleteI so enjoyed reading this post, cause you are a living example how to find something good in situations that look just oppressive at the first sight. But you found the good in it - connecting with a new buddy! I loved that you wanted to wait for this lady, you have such a big heart and that´s what I love so much in you!!
It´s the first time I see you painting such detailed faces and I really like it alot. You pictured them very personal and soulful and yourself as a part of this circle - beautiful.
You´re always in my thoughts.
Love ~ Tina
Often, the best meets occurs where we don't expect them.
ReplyDeleteI really love your pages, you are really gifted Karin. Thank you so much for sharing with us.
smiling here because in that body that pains there is a reservoir of bright colors and its YOU. Love your images, love the colors you choose. And your hands image is awsome !!
ReplyDeletesometimes when i can't find the words to express to someone else, what i feel inside , I wish i could do some magic, touch the other person the way your image show and create that circuit and let all those feeling, though flow to the other side. It really strucked me you image, in a very positive way.
thank you
love
M
What a wonderful post! Thank you for sharing this experience. I so love your spirit Karin! And your journals are a feast.
ReplyDeleteTake it easy
Lotus
silver linings, hidden gifts, I'm so glad you find the deeper meaning of connection and community while sitting in a waiting room. but of course you would:) I hope you find some comfort there.
ReplyDeleteyour drawing skills are amazing - they lend so much to the narrative.
Hey K
ReplyDeleteA day 'beyond words'
karin, your art is amazing. if you included no words i would know just from your art that some of this experience is affirming, connective, vibrant even. soldiers in the same war; survivors no matter what.
ReplyDeletecan you imagine sitting in a waiting room with renee? the very thought of it makes me smile.
i am so glad to know that today your spirit is strong, you awareness is keen.
and your art: the colors, the faces, the hands. just amazing.
love to you, dear friend,
♥
kj
You have a generous heart and courage that rivals the biggest heroes our media celebrates. I am so glad you got the ipad...it sounds like fun!!! I did receive some negative news this afternoon...the Tibetan grant had be denied...our community needed to see and hear and feel the miraculous work of these men. I am grateful you are in my life and we will meet real soon! Imagine and Live in Peace, Mary Helen Fernandez Stewart
ReplyDeleteHugs
ReplyDeleteah yes, the waiting rooms. Too many stories unfold onto paper. You my friend have shared a kindness. We are placed where we need to be when the time is right.
ReplyDeleteHope and peace fills in the empty places of others, those upon which we share a smile.
Can you imagine sitting in a waiting room with renee? the very thought of it makes me smile.
ReplyDeleteHI Karin When I read KJ'S comment I couldn't help but remember, my sister Renee's post on March 17, 2008. This was one of my many favorites. Too funny. Hope your doing ok. Camille
What an amazing day you had. It speaks to all the work we try to do to see a situation in its fullness, believing that it holds opportunities that are unseen and unknown unless we open our hearts. I am touched by your description of waiting for the "deer" woman to return--and how that willingess to keep company with her led you to a new friend.
ReplyDeleteI had a beautiful day; balmy sunny weather outside, exquisite silence inside with the family away and the company of a good book.
Wonderful thoughtful post. There is a resonance here. -J
ReplyDeleteYour post is poetry in motion. So love your words and feelings and expressions with your stunning journal pages. I try to think of waiting rooms as reception rooms now- rooms of opportunity for my time- rather than the provider's time. a shift in paradigm that enables the moments to be about me and my world. You are anazing, filled with spirit and optimism and shining with the energy of a healing artistic special soul. Thiinking of you and this open light filled path you are on- sending unending blessings. Jilly
ReplyDeleteGifts and inspiration always comes in places we do not expect..your drawings are perfect..It let's me see through you and it is a woman strong and with a kind wonderful heart.
ReplyDeleteHealing and Love.
Katelen
What a beautiful vision of connecting! Your experience illustrates the importance of connecting; your image and words describe the feeling.
ReplyDeleteWow! That is a BEAUTIFULLY rendered hand! Perfect!
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